Triangulation

/traɪˌæŋɡjəˈleɪʃən/ noun

Definition

A dysfunctional communication pattern where instead of addressing conflict directly with someone, a person involves a third party to reduce anxiety or avoid confrontation. This creates unstable relationship dynamics and prevents genuine resolution.

Etymology

Borrowed from surveying and navigation, where triangulation uses three points to determine position. Family therapist Murray Bowen adapted the term in the 1960s to describe how families create three-person systems to manage anxiety, noting that two-person relationships tend to pull in a third when tension gets too high.

Kelly Says

Triangulation is like relationship quicksand - the more you struggle with indirect communication, the deeper you sink. It's often learned in childhood when kids become messengers between fighting parents, teaching them that direct communication is dangerous and that someone else should always be involved in conflicts.

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